Has anyone else noticed that it’s not okay to be single? Just me? Okay…
Even in the Christian community being single is taboo. Women come up to younger women and ask them if there’s anyone in their lives. This isn’t bad, it’s good, it’s how God made us women. But one church I visited, the young adults group was bragging about how many weddings they’d had that year. I mean, weddings are great, but when it’s the sole focus of a church group?
Then you have the group of singles, trying to be content and becoming ‘the one’ for whenever their one comes falling from the sky. Something I noticed about myself is that I was trying to trick God into giving me a boyfriend. “Hey God, look how content I am. Any time you’re ready, I’ll take that man…”
Ever since I was little I’ve wanted to be married. It’s probably been my #1 goal my whole life-#2 being a stay-at-home-mom. These are good things, great things! But when they take the place of God in our lives, they become bad. Really bad.
“So what do you want?” you ask. “I’m doing the best that I can do right now” you say. I believe you. In fact, I’m in the same boat, dude. Trying to figure out how to be content and single is like trying to put socks on clammy feet-with your hands covered in molasses. What do you expect? Man was not meant to be alone for crying out loud!
Then you get told to find who you are in Christ and to look to Him for romance and love. How do you do THAT?? God is just as elusive as any good Christian man who also happens to have a great relationship with his parents, a job, an adventurous spirit AND he is interested in you. Crazy.
You also hear that you shouldn’t date. That good Christian girls wait. They never say for how long. Then when a guy DOES come (well after you’re too old to have kids), you have to be friends for an eternity before you can pursue each other (by then you’re dead). But dating is out of the question because it is evil, sinful and leads to sex before marriage. Well, a lot of things lead to sex before marriage and a lot of dating relationships have NOT led to that (you can only say ‘sex’ so many times in a Christian blog post) and a lot of dating relationships have actually been really great examples of what a godly relationship looks like. This one-size-fits-all approach to Christian relationships is, well, it’s stupid. People are way too diverse for God to have said “courtship is the only way.” or even “dating is the only way.” God created each and every one of us differently, which means different types of relationships. I want to encourage people to find what it is God wants in their relationships.
Back to being single…
What is a girl to do? She doesn’t want to rebel against God but she still wants to be married. So very badly.
I think, to be honest, something I have realized is that I can be purposeful withOUT having a man-bizarre, right? I’m not saying I got this down, I only just realized this last Summer so hold your horses. Realizing something and DOing it are two completely foreign objects.
You’re life can have meaning aside from marriage. Right. Meaning a lot of crying yourself to sleep on the other side of the world with no clean water, meaning you’re more miserable than you already are.
But what does it mean to have meaning aside from another person? To be amazing and purposeful all by my lonesome self?
What does it mean to fall in love with God? I mean we’re all asking it here, we’re all trying to figure it out for ourselves and we often end up faking it just because it’s easier and less painful.
What does it mean to be a single Christian?
What does it mean to have God love us as He created man to love? I mean, if man is created in God’s image, then surely God loves us as any one guy in any chick-flick has loved any regular girl in the same story. You’d think after over 2,000 years we’d have figured out to go to God for everything, but noo.
So what am I saying? Is this going to be helpful at all? Maybe not. Maybe it’s just another disappointment…
I’ve asked a lot of questions. Do I have any answers? Yes and no. I have the cheesy answer which has utterly lost it’s meaning, “Jesus.” And then I have the hard answer-what if we find out for ourselves? Instead of looking for the easy answer, instead of having someone dictate our lives for us, what if we pursued God in His Word as if He really is a treasure? And what if we really meant it, instead of trying to cheat or manipulate God into doing what we want, what if we looked for the glorious, beautiful, fear-invoking God of the universe?
Something this deep inside of us cannot be done away with as easily as slapping a band-aid on a booboo. I am talking about a lifestyle. I’m not talking about becoming nuns and monks and doing nothing but reading the Bible and eating bread and water-but reading the Bible for the Bible’s sake, not so that we can say “I’m so great I read my Bible every single day” or even just to check it off on our daily spiritual check-list. I’m talking about pursuing God as if He is a person. As if He is worth pursuing. Having a heart that desires God.
I want someone to tell me how to live my life. I don’t want to have to work or do anything, but God is not a control-freak or power-hungry (He already holds all the power so why would He want more?) or a micro-manager. God wants us to come and find Him, and to come and find the amazing life He has for us. Maybe it is scary-but maybe it’s the time of your life… Maybe, He holds in His hands, your dream life-no, maybe it’s better than that. Maybe it’s better than you can even imagine. Can you imagine?