It didn’t occur to me straightaway after my recent relationship ended that I would be single again-in fact, it wasn’t until almost a week later that I realized that I was single and what that would mean. But by that time, I was excited to go back to being single because of things like,
FREEDOM!! I mean, it’s not like the guy I dated was awful and controlling, it’s just that being in a relationship takes up a LOT of time and energy. Time and energy that I now can spend however I want. For instance, I don’t have to stress over if someone else wants to do homework when I have to, or want to watch a movie when I want, or whatever.
This also means that I am more of an individual. I mean, I should have been more independent in the relationship, but now I know that a relationship is made up of two individuals, not one perfectly matched being (though there should be things that the two individuals have in common-such as God’s calling on each person’s life, but the rest can be determined by each separate couple). What I’m getting at is that I’m no longer “so-and-so’s girlfriend.” I am Jessa.
But being single also comes with some cons, one of which is fighting feelings of loneliness, and despair. This only comes to some people, not everyone is super-obsessed about being in a relationship and not everyone gets their identity from it. For me on the other hand, this is a real, serious, deep issue that I have. I find myself being obsessed and it is a constant wrestle not to define myself or my life by any relationship, current or future.
So what if I never get married? Will my life mean nothing? Will my ministry fall apart? Will I have no meaning? Will I be lonely all of my life?
Being single in no way effects how passionately I live out my calling. Yes, some things change depending on whether I am single or not, but overall, my life is what I make of it. My life is made up of my choices.
So, will I choose to live my life constantly searching for someone else to fulfill me?
Or will I choose to follow the will of God, whatever it may be (with or without a boyfriend/husband/male-person)?
Right now, here in my dorm room, at the age of nineteen, I choose to follow the will and calling of my Lord God
I dedicate my single life to Him.
He is my constant. I will never be alone. Ever. Not once. Because He are good, and He stays the same. He is here with me. He is the one who has never left my side, the one who sends me flowers in the spring and showers me with snowflakes in winter.
My life will not be perfect, and this will be hard. Really, really hard. Harder than I can even imagine. I will be tried and I don’t know if I will make it-but I know that God will be here, through whatever trials or fires that come. And He is enough for me, for the rest of my life. I need no other.
And what else, I am enough on my own (with God).
Without a man.
God is enough for me, and I am enough with him.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” -Philippians 4:12-13
Not by me, but by God’s strength. Amen.