I know he did stupid things. I know he was a jerk and maybe didn’t treat you the way you should have been treated, but it’s time to let things go.
You break up. Whether against your will or not. Whether you saw it coming or not, it happened. It’s over. You wait a while to tell anyone because, frankly you’re not sure why. You’re still trying to understand all that happened and why it all happened. One thing is for sure: you have never cried that hard in your whole life.
And maybe you didn’t love him, but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss him. They say change is hard.
So you make a playlist. You find some really good breakup songs (“Go Quietly” by Cold War Kids, “Near To You” by A Fine Frenzy, “Wishes” by Superchick, “Boston” by Augustana), and maybe even a few albums (“Forget and Not Slow Down” by Relient K, “Parachutes” by Coldplay, “Back and Forth” by Lanae Hale) dedicated to broken hearts. Find music where either the lyrics or the music (or both) resonate with where you are right now, what you’re feeling exactly.
Then, you tell your roommate. It’s been maybe a day or two since the break-up. You wait until both of you are heading to your separate classes before you tell her. Once you’ve told one person, might as well tell your bestie and your sis. But after that, you’re done. Let everyone else find out for themselves (which sadly means some find out months later-sorry). If you have a large friend group and plenty of acquaintances then that means rehashing it all over and over again— what was said, what was done and why it all had to happen. Plus all you think and feel about it. It’s cliche but true. It hurts too much to talk about it.
After that, you buy chocolate. One lucky thing about getting dumped around good ol’ Valentine’s day is all the chocolate that’s on sale. You find a good friend and sit in her dorm room wearing sweats while you eat the chocolate you recently acquired.
After this you talk with your friends about how much you’re okay with happened, because by now you’ve been able to process somewhat all of it. Yeah it still hurts but you can see that it was for the better. You needed to be free. You like being single now.
Now you start seeing the reality of what your relationship was with him. He was a jerk. You find all the ways in which he held you back and you tell all your friends and family about it.
This goes on for a while.
But after some months you get tired of it. You don’t want to think about him anymore, either positively or negatively. You just want him gone. You want to move on, but this time, for real. You don’t want your decisions to be made with him in mind, thinking about what he would say or if he would approve of your new haircut.
Soon after this, you see him for who he really is: human. Which means that he’s broken. Imperfect. And you can finally say those words. Not just say them, but actually mean them this time.
I forgive you.
July 25, 2016
Jessica Pollard 